God's will

I was really upset yesterday after i started my period......it seemed even harder because i was for sure that i was going to be pregnant this time!!! It's so hard because i was doing so well with not being pregnant (especially when others who weren't trying are pregnant) and i was trying to show God that i can trust him (did you notice i said show.....not just TRUST him) I was saying extra prayers and trying to be positive and Jon was actually praying that we have a baby soon (not beating around the bush and saying stuff like when its your will...but truly praying for what we want)......I have changed even my diet......trying to de stress (how do you really do that???? I feel the only way to de stress is if i didn't have to work and i could sit outside and read a book in this beautiful weather).........so i felt that i was becoming a better person from God wanting us to wait! It's really hard to keep positive when this keeps going.......its really hard to describe what I feel....but someone who was going through this when i was single said that its like miscarriage..(im not saying I know how having a miscarriage is like but that is all i can think of to compare it too)....you want this baby so bad and you think your going to have a baby and BAM......there is your period..(or you loose the baby).. i use to thank God for my period..... because it was a sign that some day i will be able to have a baby but at this rate i find my self not thanking God because im still not pregnant!!! Its really hard because next month would be my ninth month from when i wanted to be pregnant........and when my friend's start giving birth it will be a year from when we have been trying....(then i can go see a DR. because i have to been trying for a year!!!) How angery this makes me because it makes me feel like God doesn't want me to have a child......One minuet i think he is wanting us to adopt or do foster care.....and then i don't know.....As i was balling my eyes out last night i found my self asking Jon why won't God tell us why we have to wait.....Why wont he just tell us why or show me what he wants me to do before he wants me to have a baby!!!! WHY????? I see my friends doing all these amazing things from helping with youth, writing Blogs that are so inspirational that people from all over read them, working in the church, working in hospitals.....their making a difference and changing lives!!!!

My client sent this to me...it was her devotional from yesterday! Ironic....I think not!!!!

"Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them." Genesis 25:26a (NIV)

Do you ever get tired of waiting on God to answer your prayers? Recently, I began to feel a sense of frustration with the wait, and also a little bit tired.

Tired of saying the same old prayer day after day, month after month, year after year. Tired of telling God about the same old problems that were still going on. Tired of hearing myself pray about the same old problems, leading me to wonder if God was as tired of hearing my prayer requests as I was of praying them.

So I bowed my head and admitted to God that I was simply tired of the wait.

In a heavy state of emotional tiredness, I turned to the crisp, white pages of my Bible. I was hoping God would illuminate a few verses that would jump out of the book and straight into my heart.

I began reading about when Isaac's wife Rebekah gave birth to twin sons. One particular sentence caught my eye and I went back to read it again and again. My heart leapt as I realized God was using this one little sentence to speak hope into my spirit. He used His spiritual highlighter just as I had wanted.

Genesis 25:26 tells us that Isaac was sixty years old when his twins were born; a simple Bible fact, yet profoundly meaningful to me on this specific day. You see, Isaac had been patient for the Lord to provide the perfect wife; he was forty years old when he married Rebekah. If you do the math you realize Isaac waited twenty years for Rebekah to bear him children! He could have chosen a concubine to bear him a son. But he was a man of great patience who waited on God. Eventually his patient faith was rewarded.

Isaac never gave up hope that his Lord could make the impossible, possible. He had learned that his Lord would provide. So he continued to pray the same desperate prayer for a son, day after day, month after month, year after year. In fact, we learn in Genesis 25:21 that "Isaac pleaded with the Lord" (NLT), meaning he earnestly and strongly prayed about his problem. He did not half-heartedly ask God for a son, he pleaded! He begged. He poured his heart out.

I can envision Isaac passionately pleading to God throughout those twenty years, with out-stretched arms and a tear-stained face pressed against the hot, dirty soil, begging God to answer his prayer.

Isaac was surely tired of the wait, but he never stopped praying or believing that his dreams could come true. And in God's perfect timing, they did.

If you are tired of the wait, you may be pleading to God just like Isaac. It may take twenty years for God to answer our prayers, or it may only take twenty minutes. But today, let us find comfort in remembering Isaac's patient faith and take hope in believing that God is not tired of hearing our prayers. Instead, He is simply waiting for the perfect time to answer.

Dear Lord, please help me have patience and faith while I wait to hear from You. Help me live in excited anticipation for the day when I will see how You answer my prayers. In Jesus' Name, Amen.